


Lover of Mine

by cleopatras



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But You Get It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Exes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Smut, Reconciliation, rated M for language only, well lovers to enemies back to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:02:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleopatras/pseuds/cleopatras
Summary: The sun rose and fell six times before he saw Sapnap again. He should have expected this; Karl had never been good at the relationship thing; he should just be glad this one lasted as long as it did. As long as it had.Karl and Sapnap break up, but Sapnap still needs to pick up his things.Title from Lover of Mine by 5 Seconds of Summer
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 15
Kudos: 239
Collections: MCYT





	Lover of Mine

The sun rose and fell six times before he saw Sapnap again. He should have expected this; Karl had never been good at the relationship thing; he should just be glad this one lasted as long as it did. As long as it  _ had.  _ In the six sun rises, he had boxed up everything that belongs to his boyfriend -- ex-boyfriend. He should probably get the hang of that sooner rather than later. It was cathartic, to pack everything away, taping it shut like he was closing off the last remains of what they had together. The anger still burned in him, fiery and hot in the pit of his stomach, but he could pack away the hurt. That was better than nothing. 

He was sitting on the couch when he heard the door unlock -- sipping coffee from a “his & his” mug whose other half was wrapped in tissue paper in the bottom of a box. Karl tries his best not to react when the door opens, already knowing who it was going to be. The second their eyes met, he was back at that night -- that conversation, if it could even be called that. 

_ “This is what you do, Sapnap!”  _ he had shouted, not even recognizing the venom in his own voice. Something else had pulled those words out of him,  _ “You have always taken me for granted, from the moment we moved in together, you just -- you just stopped giving a shit about me! I’m sick of it!”  _

He shivered at the thought. Sapnap was silent, still standing in the doorway with his hands fidgeting by his sides. Neither of them wanted to make the first move. 

“So, I’m the one who has to move out?” he finally speaks, his voice cold and uncaring, but Karl isn’t dumb enough to ignore the sadness in his eyes. He has a feeling his own eyes would reflect the same dreariness, but he had been avoiding his reflection. 

_ “Oh, I’m the one who takes you for granted? That’s fucking rich coming from you, Karl. Rich,”  _ the words echo as he struggles to think of a response. He takes another sip from his coffee.  _ “You know what? Fuck this, I’m leaving. I take you for granted? Fine, then we’re through. It’s over.”  _

“My name’s on the lease,” was all Karl musters, tearing his gaze away from his ex-boyfriend’s harsh look. It was a low blow, maybe, but he was right. He remembers their agreement to only put one name on the paperwork --  _ just in case.  _ It had been smart, but at the time they thought it was pointless. As it turns out, they had been wrong. So, painfully wrong.

Sapnap scoffs at this, shaking his head as he reaches for the first box, “Fuck you.”

The lump settles in his throat once the words reach his ears. He didn’t think he has ever heard Sapnap speak to him with such low regard, not even when they were fighting. The worst part was the fight that did them in wasn’t even the worst one they ever had, it was just the build-up over months of not being able to stand the little things until they couldn’t stand the big things and now, they don’t even know what they’re doing anymore.

“That’s fucking rich,” Karl repeats the words that had been echoing in his head for the last six days, wondering if Sapnap would even remember what he said. “Coming from you,  _ Nick.”  _

He hears the other sigh, putting down the box before turning to Karl -- who was still refusing to look at him since he entered -- and saying, “I don’t wanna do this as much as you don’t. Let’s just… let this be the end of it.”

“Let’s,” Karl scoffs, taking another sip of coffee. It was cold now, but his hands wouldn’t stop gripping the mug. If he let go, he knew his hands would shake and he didn’t want to appear weak. He couldn’t be weak, no matter how much he wanted to be. He didn’t  _ want _ this to be happening -- knowing Sapnap was going to walk out that door and they would probably never see each other again was cutting through every fucking piece of tape Karl had put on those boxes. The hurt seeped through the longer Sapnap stood there, looking at him.

“Will you at least fucking look at me?” Karl did not. He feared what he would do if he did. Sapnap sighed and began picking up the boxes. 

The door hung open behind him, a sign that he was coming back. There weren’t that many boxes, but enough for two trips, maybe three. Karl wasn’t sure how much longer he could sit there, but without Sapnap there, he found the strength to move again. Standing up from the couch, he placed the mug in the sink and let his hands shake for a moment. He braced himself on the edge of the sink, his knuckles turning white as he took a deep and shaky breath, fighting the tears threatening to push their way out. He couldn’t do this; he couldn’t sit and watch this end, but he didn’t know how to stop it. It’s a movie he’s seen before; he knows the ending, knows he’s not going to like it, but there’s nothing he can do but watch it burn. 

Footsteps echo through the apartment, Sapnap is back. He doesn’t look for Karl. The footsteps retreat. The door slams. Karl lets out another shaky breath, trying not to fall to the floor. He doesn't want the movie to end, not like this. He thinks of better times. 

_ “Dance with me, c’mon,”  _ Sapnap is laughing, holding out a hand as some random old Taylor Swift song echoes through their small kitchen.  _ “You know you want to. You can’t not wanna dance to Enchanted.” _

_ “Who are you? Quackity? Where’s this Taylor obsession coming from?”  _ he’s giggling too, grabbing the hand outstretched for him as the two spin around the kitchen. Neither of them knows how to dance, but it’s okay because no one’s watching. It’s just the two of them in their own universe.

Karl slides against  ~~_ their _ ~~ his counter, resting his form on the tile floor as he pulls his knees to his chest. It’s over. His head falls, forehead against his denim-clad kneecaps, finally letting his eyes water as he tries to adjust to the vivid feeling of emptiness in the air around him. Even so, he doesn’t cry. No tears drip down his cheeks, he wonders if the emptiness is because of him. 

“Karl?” the voice cuts through the empty. Looking up, Sapnap is standing in the doorway leading to the kitchen, lips parted in a way as if he has more to say, but doesn’t know how to get the words out. 

Their eyes meet, Karl sucks in a deep breath, still shaking. “Just go, I know that’s what you want.”

“It’s not,” Sapnap chokes out, his voice quivering; a sharp contrast to the stable coldness it was before. “It never was.”

“ _ It’s over.”  _ Karl repeats with bitterness, “Those are your words, Nick. Even if you don’t want it now, you sure as hell wanted it when you slammed the door on your way out. Even shattered a picture frame when you did.”

“Which one?” the other speaks softly, his eyes wide. Karl sighs, standing up and brushing past the form in the doorway. He’s hyper-aware of Sapnap following him into the bedroom they used to share. On the desk is the shattered picture frame. Karl had ached over that frame for hours, trying to decide if he should throw it away or not. In the end, it sat on the desk, broken glass cutting through the smiling faces of Karl and Sapnap. It was the first picture they took in the apartment, so they kept it right by the entryway. There was still a faint cut on Karl’s hand from picking up the pieces of glass Sapnap had unintentionally left behind. 

He motions to the picture frame, watching with careful eyes as Sapnap picks it up, eyes raking over the photo. “You kept it, though.”

“Why’d you come back?” Karl asks, his voice strangled like the words are forcing themselves out without the aid of his mind. “You shut the door, you left. Why did you come back? There’s no more boxes.”

“I forgot something,” Sapnap says, not meeting the other’s eyes, instead focusing on the photo in his hand. He watches as Sapnap removes it from the frame, the photo itself unblemished. “I forgot something last week, too.”

He scoffs, crossing his arms and willing the other to say it to his face instead of looking at that  _ stupid _ picture. “I’m not doing this with you, Nick. You made it very clear what you wanted. Let’s just put an end to the bullshit and forget about it.”

“Did you ever stop loving me?” Their eyes meet. Karl holds his breath. He already knows his answer, but he doesn’t know if he has the strength to say it. Sapnap continues before he gets the chance, “That night… that night, did you feel anything about me at all?”

“Don’t ask that,” Karl shakes his head, his arms crossed as tears well in his eyes, “Don’t ask questions like that’s going to change anything that’s happening right now.”

Sapnap hesitates, his eyes leaving Karl’s as they drift to the ground. His next words are hardly anything more than a whisper, “I need to know if we had a chance. That if I hadn’t left that night like the fucking idiot I am, that we still loved each other. Because I love you.” 

_ Love,  _ Karl thinks. Present tense. 

“So, I’m going to ask again, did you ever stop loving me?” 

“No,” he finally chokes out the word that was clawing at his throat, begging and pleading to be set free. “I never stopped. I never  _ will,  _ but that doesn't change anything --” 

“I wanna come home,” Sapnap pleads, cutting off anything Karl was going to say. When he looks up, Karl can see his eyes are just as watery as his own. “Fighting with you already kills me, but the idea of not having you in my life when I still love you so fucking much is something I just can’t… I can’t take it.” 

_ I can’t take it, either, _ he wants to say, but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out. He doesn’t know if that would even suffice to describe every single feeling pulsating through Karl’s head and heart right now. Instead, he reaches out. Sapnap grabs his hand and pulls him into a hug, his arms wrapping around Karl in an act of comfort Karl knows both of them have been yearning for. Sapnap’s hand caresses the back of Karl’s head, fingers knotting themselves in his soft brown hair as if the man is afraid to let go again. They’re both crying, Karl can feel the tears staining his sweater-clad shoulder and he already knows he’s soaking Sapnap’s hoodie. 

“I never want to leave again,” Sapnap mutters into his shoulder, holding him tighter with the words. “I want to be better for you, for us.”

“I want to be better, too,” he whispers into Sapnap’s chest, clutching onto the t-shirt as if Sapnap were to leave again the moment he lets go. 

After a moment, Sapnap lifts his head only to press a kiss to Karl’s forehead before they rest their foreheads against each other, tear-filled eyes meeting one another. Surprisingly, Sapnap smiles, “I guess I probably should have said all that shit before I loaded up all my stuff, huh?”

“You’re an idiot,” Karl chuckles as he kisses Sapnap for the first time in six sunsets. It’s wet and desperate, but neither of them cares as they keep smiling, taking in as much of each other as they can. 

“Maybe, but you’re stuck with me now, Jacobs,” Sapnap laughs, kissing him again and again. 

Karl couldn’t be happier. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my friend Ginger for this idea because she was listening to Lover of Mine on loop today so when I asked for a oneshot idea that's what she gave me so now we have this! yay! feel free to check me out on twitter linked below!
> 
> [main](https://twitter.com/nicowritess)   
>  [fic rec acc](https://twitter.com/karlnapficrecs)


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